Geocaching

Treasure hunting!!! I nailed my first geocaches today! Totally fun stuff. I sort of stumbled across geocaching.com while reading gps reviews. I went out and tried it today and it's a blast! I ordered a few geo accessories today from Amazon. When they come in I'll be planting my first cache somewhere in the Lewis and Clark forest.
My handle on geocaching.com is EscapetheRain Join me if you like, hide and seek for adults. It really is fun.

How woulda thunk it?

It is my new passion in life...belly dancing. We have learned enough moves now that we are beginning to work it all in together into a choreographed routine. It's just really cool to have it come together into an actual dance! I'm really wanting to get some harem pants...satin and bright....a bunch of jingle bling, etc. Fun! I'm looking forward to some of the more advanced stuff. We hung around briefly and watched the advance class. Soooooo cool.

That time again

Nearly time for another check up. This time I will do a chest cat scan with contrast. I guess that Weiner wants a closer look at the left lung crud. I hate how this part is forever a part of my life. I want it to go away, the worry, etc. Cancer sucks. Always has, always will.

My dogs have been MIA since about 6:30. I do hope they will come home soon. The neighborhood is quiet and I wonder where they are and why they haven't returned. I hope some "good samaratin" has not taken it upon themselves to intervene. If left alone they always come back. It is people who are the problem.

I'm tired tonight. I just want to close my eyes and shut the world out for awhile. Waiting up for the dogs...and then I will

Under the Moonlight

Today I retired my road bike for the winter and remounted my MTB. I had a rather challenging headwind riding into work today. Arrived at the bike rack and could not remove my cycling computer from it's mount. I ended up having to remove the whole mount. I got my bike secured to the bike rack and went inside for a very hectic 8 hour shift. None stop people all day long.

I stepped out into the fresh air at about 9:20 p.m. There was a full moon and the wind was still blowing from the west. Hallelujah a tailwind on a cool September evening. And downhill too!!! It was just beautiful. Six years ago I asked God for a little more time. I have received so much more. I am beyond happy these days.

The Falling Rain

It's really coming down tonight. I love the sound and the feel in the air. Fall is coming and I'm so glad. Today I bought some thermal arm warmers for winter cycling. They are colorful and rather unique looking. Bring on the cold weather. I'm ready. I'm excited and happy for the next season. I hope to get out there plenty of times on the snow shoes with Kristy. Such a wonderful and fun friend! When has it ever NOT been a fun adventure with K.? Approximately never!

Kelly and I started Belly Dance lessons last night with the new teacher. Fabulous fun.

FUN FUN FUN FUN.....it's all that really matters to me these days.

Well, rambling badly tonight. Going to hit the sack. The Tour de Cure is in 3 days and I need my sleep!

Full Circle

Six years ago, as I prepared to leave on a "Cross the Wilderness" expedition, my journey with cancer began. As I lifted my fully prepared backpack to check the weight, my left shoulder gave out. There I was, on the eve of my grand adventure, with a clavicle broken in 2 places. Needless to say, the trip never happened. Gloom and Despair.
Moving ahead beyond all of the drama that was to follow, here I am replanning this same trip .....The Wilderness Crossing with my Sis. It takes an immense amount of planning to do a trip that is this ambitious. Food, water, terrain, weather and being prepared for any situation that may occur. When we are that far from civiliation we have no one to depend upon but ourselves and each other. Our bodies, minds and backpacks have to be fully prepared. The time of preparation begins now. A year from now we head off into the Bob Marshal Wilderness, the two of us.....sisters heading off on a marvelous adventure together.
I'm excited. This has been a dream of mine for many years. I've come full circle from that awful day six years ago. What more could I want from this life of mine?

Livestrong Bracelet

My Livestrong bracelet....I took it off and handed it to my nearest, dearest friend. Bit by bit I've been shedding the bits and pieces of my cancer experience. Today, I just felt like it was the day to take it off. I couldn't quite bring myself to dispose of it, so I gave it to Kristy. I've laid my most vulnerable thoughts and feelings in Kristy's hands. She has treated them gently and with respect. It seemed right that I hand this bracelet that I've worn for 5 plus years to her as well

This moving on process is a wonderful thing. Look back now and then? Probably. But, I'm am done living it. I've got my happy back. Oh, Thank you God....it's good to be alive.

Simply Marvelous

Right now I am looking forward to EVERYTHING!!!!
1. A good night's sleep tonight
2. Hiking in Glacier on tues/Wed with Mern
3. Relay for Life/with Amy next week-end
4. Floating the Missouri from on the 11th with Celeste and Betsy
5. Rivers edge Trail with Nessa 8/16...this will also be a slumber party and dinner OUT
6. Tour de Cure with my FAM.
7. Getting my new pellet stove installed

And THEN....Christmas shopping starts!!!!!!

8. Seattle half marathon

God Bless Me, my life is really good.

In a Good Place

It's been good these days. How nice it is to be in a good place in my life after visiting some not so good places for awhile. Peaks and valleys.....I'll take the peaks when I can and remain there as long as I can.
Yesterday I went on a long bike ride, a fifty miler. I left the house when the air was still cool and returned before lunch. It felt great. I appreciate that this old body is still working more or less properly. Not all are so fortunate when they reach their fifties.
I've brushed off some of the grunge from my life as well. Leave the angry people to wallow in their anger, alone. Leave the pessimists to wallow in their pessimism, alone. I don't need their ugliness in my life. I've turned my back on a few of these. Aahhhh, such a relief.
yep, it's good. I just want to hold steady now. For awhile at least.
The phrase is WAY overused, but Life really IS Good.

The Angel of Death

This blog isn't really about death. I just thought that was kind of a catchy title.
Tomorrow I am going camping with some old school friends that I haven't seen in over 30 years. What a trip. After all of these years.....a little visit to place where I never expected to return. The same, yet different. This is just awesome. It's a pleasant and totally unexpected surprise to have this opportunity. It's a chance to connect the past to the present, in a manner of speaking. New, old friends....or something like that....don't know quite what to call it, but it's really pretty exciting.
Kbye.
p.s. the angel of death ain't visiting me anytime soon....I hope.

Why so angry?

Why are so many people angry about such inconsequential things? I work with the public and see adults throwing tantrums over the piddliest of things. To each and every one of them I would like to say, "Try cancer on for size. Trying hearing this diagnosis and facing the uncertainty of your own life. Try fighting this shitty damned disease with everything you've got and still not know if you will survive. Try that experience and then reconsider whether the inconvenience of standing in a boring line at Walmart for five minutes was worthy of the anger you expressed about it."
Ok, got that off of my chest.

God invented Snot

Some of lifes Blessings are so heavily disguised that they are barely recognizable as a blessing. Take snot for instance, rich with yummy enzymes and immunioglobulins to fight off the invasion of virus's and other creepy crawlies. Snot is really good stuff!!! It hardly seems like it when you are fighting a summer cold, as I am right now.
When all else fails, try gratitude! I am so thankful for the abundance of snot that I've been blessed with today.

No exercise= gloom and despair

My darn lower back has been out for 3 days. I can't exercise!!! Even walking is painful. I can't stand it!!!! This a.m. I took a muscle relaxant and ibuprofen. Now I am just waiting to see if it gets me up and moving. I am really not good at being laid up by a physical problem. It is soooooo depressing.

Men

Just cuz.....

Scares the Sh*t out of Me

I work in a pharmacy. All day long I hand prescription drugs to morbidly obese people. The list is predictable and unique to the morbidly obese. It's scarey to think that given too many long session with my fork, without sufficient thought could lead me to join their ranks. From my work station I look to my right at the pharmacists. They are a diverse group. One of the few traits that they share is that they are all lean. They have had the sh*t scared out of them too. I consider myself warned. I am warned every day that I work. Who knows, I may end up on a tank of oxygen and hobbling on bad knees, but I promise myself that it won't be because I lacked the self control to set down my fork and push myself away from the table. Like my daughter, I'm taking back control of my life and choosing to live responsibly. It takes practice and deterimination, but I'm gettin' it. At last.

There is Madness to My Method.

So.....
Talked with Rox the other day and it's decided! I will run my first full marathon with her, hopefully with her coaching and encouragement. After a little bit of thought I decided to do this on her side of the country and make a real vacation out of it. No small matter that the elevations there is lower, which will give me maximum benefit from my training (here at 3600 ft). I recall what a treat it was running in South Korea when I was there. Sea level is glorious!!
I will be getting a few more half marathons under my belt this year here in MT then when the time comes, off to PA for the real deal.

Hey look at this!!!

Yesterday we went to see Bill's new RA specialist in Great Falls. She spent over 2 hours with him going over every detail of his RA and gave him a very detailed physical exam. By the end of it she had changed up his treatment plan significantly and given him some "in office" treatment to his right hand consisting of 4 cortizone injections. She said it was an experiment. If his condition in his hand improved over the next few days she could help his over all condition with medication. If not, then that would mean that the RA was irreversible and he would just have to cope with it.
Long story short: 9 hours after his injections he raised his hand up in a fist (something he hasn't been able to do in years) and said "Hey look at this!" It means great hope that his stiffness and pain will see some significant improvement under the care of this fabulous Dr. She has warned us that it will take several month to see maximum benefit from the new meds, but that's fine. I'm happy, Bill is happy and this is a darn good thing that has happened.

I will rest when I'm dead.

I rode my bike 35 miles today before noon. This left plenty of time to mow the lawn...got that done. Now I'm here layin' on the couch enjoying the lazy days of summer. But, hmmmm, there this little thought in my mind that I might like to spend a little time at the golf course later this after noon. It's a bit of a dilema. Should I go full speed ahead and fill my life full to the maximum at the price of being exhausted? Or......should I just lay here on my good ole couch and "give it a rest". Either way I pay a price. I can exhaust myself or I can feel all of those awful feelings of regret that I'm wasting precious time doing NOTHING! Ugh, can't stand it. I seriously think that exhaustion is the better choice. As a wise friend of mine once said, "I'll rest when I'm dead".

Old Men Piss me Off

It isn't just the hot flashes that are making this trip through menopause such a great time, it's also the attitude. Old men Piss me off!! Gawd!!!!!! Back when my hormones were not on a rampage I used to beable to blowoff the B.S. of an arrogant, sexist, hideously stupid man. But now.....oh no, not now. I just want to squash them under the heal of my shoe like of bug. This is the darker side of menopause. If some day I rip my shirt off in the presense of a man, believe me it is not because I'm irresistably attracted to him. It's because I'm having the hot flash from hell....straight from the bowells of the Evil One. I may need an exorcist before this is over.

Son of a Gun Detours

Well, I'm back from one Son of a Gun Detour!
A week ago I had labs...again.....for the hundreth time. A few day ago my results came to me by mail. Every single solitary value on that report has me within normal/healthy range. This is the first time since the cancer that my labs have reflected totally fabulous health. I took one heck of a detour getting here, but Here I Am.
Today I stopped by the Dollar Store and bought a picture frame (for a dollar). The world can laugh all it wants, but I am going to frame those lab results and hang them on the wall in my bedroom. It has taken a lot of determination to get back to my starting point.
It's a celebration to have arrived.

So, this is golf?

Lessons, time on the driving range and finally today my first 9 holes of golf on the par 3 course. I came home with muddy knees from crawling to the edge of a water hazard to fish out my beautiful, newly purchased, hot pink golf ball. Oh, what fun! One of my incredible shots with a 9 iron somehow became a pop fly and nearly beaned me on it's decent. Seriously, this is really fun!!!!! If I wanted to be a serious golfer I should have started 40 years ago. It is my good fortune that I have no desire whatsoever to be taken seriously as a golfer. Having fun out there is my priority. And I did. I really did.

Oh what Freedom

Oh what freedom cancer has given me.
I read somewhere that dogs live in the NOW. They don't worry about the future. They don't feel anger or regret about yesterday. All that is for a dog is NOW. There is great freedom in that, I have found. Although I have not mastered this as completely as the average canine, I do live in the Now so much more that I did before cancer. When a cancer diagnosis robs you of the certainty of future, what is left? What's left is Now. The very next question upon realizing this is, 'What should I/can I do with NOW? My search for the answer was an immediate Live Now, Love Now, Laugh Now and Be my most genuine self NOW. I fell into this mode so completely and immediately after diagnosis. The result was the most genuine sense of joy I've ever experienced. In the middle of my greatest trauma I found my deepest sense of happiness.
I can't remember what it is to live the other way. I'm flying by the seat of my pants these days and living in the Now. Not so much has changed in the choices I make for each day. What has changed so dramatically is my perspective....my experience of those choices.
I feel like it took half a century to finally "get it". Cancer got me to that point. Surviving it will not allow me to turn the page back to "before".